Carrie

Carrie (1976, Brian De Palma)

IMDB:

Carrie White, a shy, friendless 17 year-old girl who is sheltered by her domineering, religious mother, unleashes her telekinetic powers after being humiliated by her classmates at her senior prom.

Another movie based on a Stephen King book, and starring another actress I dislike, Sissy Spacek.  She reminds me of what’s her face from ‘the shining’, Shelley Duvall.

The opening credits of this movie is probably the scariest scene of the whole movie.  Nothing but 70’s boobs and hairy bush!  Yikes!!  At first I thought that I was watching some weirdo porn version of Carrie.  Disappointingly, no.

First of all, how are these chicks so fucking mean?!  Seriously, these chicks need some serious bitch-slapping.

So what happens when Carrie gets mad around someone with a pacemaker?

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Piper Laurie, who plays Carrie’s god-fearing, crazy-ass, mean mom, has played a lot of interesting roles in her career.  She was in ‘the dead girl’, in which she played another crazy mom.  She has been in a ton of tv shows, such as Fraiser, Will & Grace, and Touched by an Angel.  She was also in Twin Peaks, which makes her ultra cool!

The think with Carrie, is that you better like screaming, because she does a lot of it and she is good at it!  The whole vibe of this movie is that you must feel bad for Carrie because her is so nuts and Carrie does not know any better.  She has these powers that she can kind of understand, I’m not believing it.  She is annoying!  She has no chill.

Edie McClurg is another awesome actress who has been in a ton of movies and tv shows.  She was the bingo lady with the trolls on Roseanne, Sophia’s nurse on Golden Girls, and most notably, Chastity Pariah in Elvira Mistress of the Dark!

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John Travolta DOES NOT like to be called a “dumb shit”.  I guess no one does.  He also looks way older than the rest of the “teenagers”.  Then again, his girlfriend Chris looks pretty old too.  I am not really sure what they were fighting about in the car.  She is such a tease!!

The gym teacher, even though she is physically abusive to the students, seems like she is the Carrie’s only supporter.  She is also not afraid to call everyone out on their bullshit.  Too bad she dies in the end.  (sorry, not sorry)

I do think that Sue was trying to be nice to Carrie, but she should have tried to be Carrie’s friend or something before getting her lame boyfriend to ask Carrie to prom.  Boys will do anything to get laid.  Even take Carrie, (gross!), to prom.  What a bunch of dicks!

Honestly, there has got to be better pranks that do not involve killing a fucking pig!!

Carrie’s mom is kind of funny.  she blames everything on satan.  She needs to start seeing the positive side of life.  Carrie can move things with her mind!  Gotta be satan!  My conditioner doesn’t work for shit!  Satan!  My mashed potatoes are lumpy!  Damn satan!

So, Tommy or Bobby, or whatever the fuck blonde guy’s name is shows up, even though Carrie’s mom was convinced that he would not.  He seems like a decent guy, but why is he kissing Carrie?  Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?

Their dancing-spinning scene at the prom was making me sick and dizzy.  Although, it could have been all that candy I ate.

That prom went from “everyone is awesome” to “everyone is fucking fucked” real quick!  To be fair, getting pig’s blood out of your hair is hard, or at least that is what I have heard.  Although, Carrie did it with bar soap?!  Satan!

One last thing, John Travolta and his girlfriend are straight up pyschos.  Not only did they kill a pig, but they filled a bucket with it’s blood.  To me, that seems like a lot of work.  They could have just mixed corn syrup with red dye.  Easy peasy.

Moral of the story: skip prom.

Carrie receives 4 “It’s gotta be satan” bumper stickers out of a possible 5.

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Author: kristaskene

A movie, book, and music lover. I love to offer my, hopefully witty, and always sarcastic thoughts.

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