Heathers

Heathers (1988, Michael Lehmann)

What IMDB says:

In order to get out of the snobby clique that is destroying her good-girl reputation, an intelligent teen teams up with a dark sociopath in a plot to kill the cool kids.

My thoughts:

Okay, I have seen this movie a ton.  I had it on VHS when I was a teen, yes, VHS!!  Basically, it is about Veronica Sawyer (Winona Ryder), who is a part of a 4-piece ensemble of bitchy, popular girls, all named Heather.  I had a friend named Heather in high school, she was NOT like one of these Heathers.  These girls are awful!

Veronica meets J.D. (Christian Slater), the new kid in school, who despises everyone and everything, especially shampoo.  He coaxes Veronica into accidentally serving Heather #1 drain cleaner.  Now, let’s be honest, everyone has thought about feeding a bitchy girl a bleach cocktail, right?  Well, not me.  I love everyone.  Veronica and J.D. end up playing strip croquet after having two conversations.  Ah, young romance.

Veronica and J.D. make Heather #1’s death look like a suicide, which then makes suicide super trendy.  When they feed Heather #1 the draino, check out Veronica’s crazy big vest?!  Like, where did she buy that thing?  A men’s Big and Tall store?  Oh, the 80’s!  After her death, many other kids commit or try suicide because everyone has caught the suicide bug.  Heather #1 becomes a hero to the downtrodden and melodramatic kids at school.  Both Veronica and J.D. are disgusted by the way that everyone reacts to Heather’s death.  She becomes more popular after death.  J.D. and Veronica decide to teach Ram and Kurt a lesson by shooting them with fake bullets (?) and leaving a note declaring their homosexuality.  Of course, the bullets are not fake and the boys die.  Veronica starts to develop a conscience, and feels bad about what she and J.D. have done.  J.D. blackmails Heather Duke (Shannon Doherty) into becoming the new Heather #1, and makes her pass around a petition to get some shitty band that sings a suicide song to play at prom or some shit.  J.D. loses his fucking mind and just starts killing everyone.  Veronica fakes her suicide, which dumb J.D. believes.  He then decides that blowing up the school during a pep rally is a good idea and will teach everyone a lesson, or at least get rid of them.  Everything escalates really quickly in this movie.

What is up with Veronica’s handwriting?  It is crazy big, and totally unreadable.  She must go through a ton of notebooks.  One entry is like 40 pages long!  Also, the monocle?!  Really?!  I do really like her room though.  It is so big!

The dialogue in this movie is excellent!  It has some of the best lines ever.

The best part, other than the dialogue, is when Veronica shoots off J.D.’s middle finger.

In the end, Veronica saves the school and it’s students from destruction.

Quotable: “Fuck me gentle with a chainsaw.”; “Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?”, I wonder this everyday.

Heathers receives 5 red scrunchies out of a possible 5.

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Author: kristaskene

A movie, book, and music lover. I love to offer my, hopefully witty, and always sarcastic thoughts.

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