The Empire Strikes Back (Irvin Kershner, 1980)
What IMDB says:
After the rebels have been brutally overpowered by the Empire on their newly established base, Luke Skywalker takes advanced Jedi training with Master Yoda, while his friends are pursued by Darth Vader as part of his plan to capture Luke.
What I say:
The fifth film of the Star Wars franchise finds Princess Leia, Luke, Hans, et al. on the planet Hoth, which resembles Canada in February. Darth Vader is searching for Luke because he has a secret about him!
Once again the film is full of sexual tension, but instead of sexy droids it is a strange and incestuous love triangle between Luke, his sister Leia, and Hans Solo. Once again, there is no love for Chewy.
In this film we meet Yoda for the first time in the original films. Luke has a Jedi “vision”, (magic mushrooms), in which Obi Wan (Ben) tells him to seek out Yoda for Jedi training on some weirdorama planet. Of course he goes and is a complete ass to Yoda when he first meets him. He becomes more and more like his father everyday. Assumes that some small, old, green dude can’t be a Jedi. What an ageist, racist, dickhead. I will admit though, that Yoda did seem really drunk when he first met Luke. He is 800 years old. Maybe it is time to hang up the old light saber and buy a time-share on a nice, snake-free planet. Also, not to be rude, but a little Rogaine and moisturizer wouldn’t hurt.
In the end Vader loses, like usual. Is he even trying? His technology is way to slow. Everything takes forever to fire up or start to work, and the peeps he is trying to kill get away. Seriously, what a fail. Oh, and Vader reveals his secret to Luke. He is vegan. Oh, wait, no he is his father. Bummer for Luke.
I enjoyed this movie a lot! For some reason the music really stood out to me in this film. I really want a theme song like Vader.
Quotable Yoda: “Size matters not”
I give The Empire Strikes Back 5 secret daddy’s out of a possible 5.